It was a lovely evening on the 31st of December 2012. My wife said we should go sightseeing at Piccadilly Circus. As we got off the train station walking through the crowd, a young dude (about 14years old) approached me to buy his music CD. “I’m sorry, I am not interested”, I politely told him. Just as I was about to carry on walking, he pushed me and asked why I was being disrespectful. “I said I am not interested. How is that being disrespectful?” I asked him. But he continued to push me.
Merely looking at this boy, I knew I could beat him black and blue. But before I reacted, I began to process loads of information. My first thought was, if I beat this boy now, tomorrow’s news headline would read “Nigerian man beats teenager”. “No. Not good for my country’s image”, I thought to myself. Then the second thought, “what if I attempt to retaliate and he stabs me or what if he has a gang very close by?” (He appeared confident trying to fight someone bigger than him). Then another thought of being killed on a New Year’s Eve and putting my family and friends in pain, made me to think twice.
After I processed these thoughts and pictured all the sad endings, I decided it was safest to walk away. The boy kept following us and luckily, we were close to a bus stop so we got on a bus not minding where the bus was headed. That is how I put an end to a story that would have probably ended badly.
Let me share a friend’s testimony at this juncture. In 2015, she was looking for a job and asked her course mate if there were any vacancies at the department where he worked. The course mate helped her secure a job through his supervisor. Well, after the first month of working, her salary was delayed. She then complained to her course mate and in good faith, he enquired from the supervisor if there was a problem. Apparently, the supervisor had asked her to exercise patience as they were working on it. Nevertheless, the supervisor got upset that she was going about complaining to everyone. So, he called and cautioned her. Not sure what got into her, she then turned around and started texting and insulting her course mate, calling him a devil for discussing their conversation with the supervisor.
Well, to cut the long story short, many years passed. She was out of job, had a baby and the supposed father of the child refused to take responsibility. Things became very tough for her. She then phoned the same course mate to seek financial assistance. From that day, he has been helping her with some money for the baby’s upkeep. She told me that the guy would sometimes jokingly say, “why are you asking the Devil for a favour?”
Well, the gist of these stories is about Emotional Intelligence (EI). The underlying principle of EI is about managing your emotions and those you relate with in order to get a positive outcome. Of course, there are some people whose upbringing and terrible experiences shape their behaviour, as a result, they care less about being emotionally intelligent. The good news, however, is that emotional intelligence can be learned. This can begin with a positive communication – being able to convey messages, even negative ones, in an optimistic way.
Proverbs (14:17) says, “a quick-tempered man acts foolishly…”. So, next time before you (re)act, please pause and reflect on the outcome of your words or behaviour because ‘words spoken [or written] cannot be taken back’. It is only in movies like ‘About Time’ and musical videos like Craig David’s ‘7 Days’ song that you will see them turning back the hands of time to correct mistakes. You and I may not have the opportunity to ‘right’ a ‘wrong’. So, my brothers and sisters, make una ‘Coolu Temper’ just as J Martins and Lagbaja songs dey talk and let’s strive to build positive relationships.